What are you hiding?
by I-love-Russia-da
Summary: How had this happened? Ivan Braginski wasn't sure. He'd become completely in love with a German boy at his school, which in itself wasn't a good thing. Ludwig had an secret he didn't want anyone to know, will the Russian break down his walls and find out? Or will he just push him away like he did with the rest of them. Russia/Germany. RusGer forver.
1. Chapter 1

WARNING! ABUSE! SELF HARM!

I cannot get enough of RusGer, I have some RusGer fever, already posted 2 other RusGer stories this month and this is my third, I am on a roll. Please Enjoy.

How had this happened? Ivan Braginski wasn't sure. He'd become completely enamoured with a boy at his school, which in itself wasn't a good thing. Many of the people in the school were very strong minded and in that case, against it. The person, who'd claimed his heart, though he wouldn't say anything about it, was the school's most popular student. Sure, his grades weren't that high but he was terribly witty and honestly, handsome.

There were too problems. The first of which was that Ivan was practically invisible to everyone in their grade, being one of the least popular people. He hardly got to talk to him, unless they were paired up for group work and even then, other people usually stole him away. Still, he'd somehow managed to find a place in his heart. Thinking back, it was probably due to the one time that they had run into each other and he seemed so kind and caring.

Recently though… he was at odds with himself. The second problem came in there. Due to the fact that he was alone, and a few weeks ago he decided to beat a person up for touching his hair. He didn't like it when people touched his hair; it reminded him of what his dad had done the night before. So now people chose to stay away from him and started calling him psychopath. But it was fine; at least they didn't know anything. Some of the boys had the guts to bully him, but he let them because he knew that there was no point in making a scene, anyway his dad hit harder than these boys could.

There was this one group of guys had decided to mess with him. They'd pulled his crush, Ludwig right into the group. It was heart-breaking, though he still couldn't just throw it out, for whatever reason. He forgave him every time it happened, for some reason, even though every time he was pushed around or on occasion worse it just tore out a part of him. He knew that he was just hurting himself with this, but it would be alright, right? They'd eventually get out of high school, in a year or two and then he could forget about him completely. But for now, he liked the German too much.

It was no exception that after eating his lunch, which he did in the least occupied area of the school, that he would head towards the field to sit and take some time to himself. And it was not uncommon that the boys would run into him on the way out. Hell, they probably knew where he went anyways.

Either they didn't notice him or he was noticed negatively. This was hardly any different.

"Oi, psycho" One boy started, heading over to him. They usually didn't start that way though. The same boy shoved him, causing him nearly to fall before continuing. "Heard you've been talking some shit about us. Care to explain?" Ivan took a small step back, eyes connecting a moment with Ludwig's.

"Sorry. I mean… I haven't…" He tried, softly. Everything escalated way too quickly from that point on. A few of the boys had been known to be a tad bit on the violent side. "We'll show you not to backtalk," another snapped and soon enough, there was a sharp pain by his eye; a punch.

He stumbled back further before his legs were swiped from under him, making him fall abruptly. Straight back into the water fountain, head knocking down onto a small, sharp piece of metal, gashing his head a little. He clutched at it in pain, finding it slightly wet.

"Aw? The Russian hit his head? I thought Russians were supposed to be the strong ones" one boy asked, the blood simply concealed by his fingertips. He then looked into Ludwig's eyes.

Ludwig was a good student, but not official. He didn't show his friends his grades; they thought he was still bad at school. The whole thing started a long time ago. His parents died and Ludwig got into this circles and it was good. It was so good to be with them to let out his frustration on others. He didn't know how to deal different.

But now, after his brother died, it wasn't enough. He drunk was addicted to drugs, cut himself and sometimes he couldn't remember what he had done. He thought it was because of his stress.

His girlfriend was hardly good enough to fuck but she was good enough to pay for everything. And she did it good. She paid all of his drugs, alcohol and his apartment. He lived alone.

This weekend there would be another party and Ludwig looks forward it. To get drunk and high.

Today was another shit day and they went around, looking for a new victim. He smiled lightly, but his smile didn't arrive in his eyes, when they met Ivan. He looked into the Russians eyes, but stayed in the background for the beginning.

Ivan saw the blood and didn't know what to do. It never went this far normally; they would normally call him a few names, take his stuff and leave bruises not full on bleeding scars. What was his dad going to say now? His dad hated it when he got hurt, and it wasn't from his hands.

Ivan groaned as he stood up and looked into Ludwig's lifeless eyes, Ivan could see something was wrong with him, but he didn't know what. He acted okay-ish, he was okay at school, he laughed around with his friends, and he had his loving family. So why was he acting so weird, and off.

Ivan felt anger rise in him, he wanted to beat these people up, and he could do it quiet easily, he would even enjoy it. But he also didn't want to bring attention to himself; he knew that he could get in trouble and then he would be in even more trouble at home.

"Leave me alone" Ivan said as he tried to leave.

Ludwig smiled lightly and laughed at the angry glance. "Come on let's go. I want to smoke one...did someone see my little whore?" He laughed and turned around, slowly walking away.

Ivan turned his head around and gave Ludwig one last look before walking to his next lesson where Ludwig would probably arrive late and high like he usually does, or he will just miss the lesson in general. Ivan signed as he shakes his head, why does he fall for people like that; he needs to stop his feelings, he dread to think about what would happen if anyone found out about his feelings. He would die.

Ludwig walked away with the others and grinned lightly. He walked to his girlfriend and after a few hours he came back into the last lesson. He was high and obviously he also took other drugs and drank some alcohol. He came late and sat down on his chair.

Ivan watched as Ludwig walked into class drunk, high and who knows what else. Ivan tried to look away, but he couldn't help but to stop himself from staring. Ludwig was handsome, even when his eyes were bloodshot and he looked like he was going to pass out in a minute, he looked perfect. Ivan didn't realise how long he had been staring until someone called his name.

Ludwig laughed lightly and patted his friends shoulder. "Let him be for today..." He looked over at the teacher. "Your lessons are boring dude..." He stood up. "Party at my home today evening," he said to the whole class and walked home.

Ivan was surprised that Ludwig stopped his friend from saying anything more, it was weird. Maybe it was because of how high he was, and then he went on to insult the teacher as he walked out. Ivan had seen his grades when no one else has, how does he manage to be so clever but act like an idiot.

Ivan then heard about the party, should he go? His dad wasn't going to be home today, he had something going on with a friend. So he could go if he wanted to, maybe he can dress up so no one would recognise him? It did sound like fun, and Ivan thought he deserved to have some fun. He did have some outfit at home suitable for the party. Maybe he can get closer to Ludwig?

Ivan went home as he started to get changed; he put on a plain white shirt, some black tight leather pants, and a leather jacket. He added a bit of eye liner because he wanted to, he added a few more touched like a spike necklace and placed his white scarf back around his neck. He looked at himself in the mirror, he didn't think anyone would recognise him and the clothes still hid all his bruises, it would be fine.

Within a couple of hours, Ivan arrived at the party...


	2. Chapter 2

Ludwig wore his normal things. Today an olive green t-shirt, his dog tags, a jeans and sneakers. The party already started and he sat on the couch, an arm around his girlfriend, in this hand a beer and in the other hand a cigarette. A few sat on the couch or standing next to him and talked. He listened to them and laughed a few times. He slowly smoked his cigarette and drank his beer. That was the only time that he could forget something. He needed to be high...

Ivan didn't know what to do, he never been to a party before. So he decided to just lean against the wall and drink some of the Vodka he brought along, his dad probably wouldn't notice it was gone, he was always drunk when he reached home, so when he went to get some Vodka he would normally be half blind.

He drank quite a lot before he started to feel numb, then he noticed Ludwig, he was sitting down with his mates. He looked even more gorgeous now than he did before, if that was even possible. But then there had to be that stupid bitch next to him, Feli annoyed Ivan more than anything.

She was some really hyper girl who was always smiling; it made Ivan want to hurt her. And he also hated how she was always with Ludwig; hanging on his every word, but it did help to know that Ludwig didn't like her much.

Ludwig looked around and noticed someone different. He stood up and walked to Ivan. "Hey...what are you doing here?" he asked and drank a bit more beer. His people were too boring now.

Ivan was surprised when he saw Ludwig turn around and scan the room with his eyes, and then they landed on him. Ivan looked away from his gaze; it was like he didn't recognise him. Ivan then watched while in shock, when he saw Ludwig leave his group of friends and start walking towards him.

He then started to speak, asking him why he was here. Well he came here to try and spend more time with this German, but he certainly wasn't going to tell him that. "I wanted to have some fun, but this party is kind of lame" he said as he took another sip of his vodka.

"You need just the right stuff," he grinned lightly and drank out his beer.

Ivan smirked feeling a hint braver, "like what?" he asked as he moved closer towards the German.

"Dope and better alcohol... You look weird...why do you have eyeliner on? Where not the gothic people here..."

I don't need better alcohol, Vodka is the best. But I wouldn't mind any dope... Well maybe I wanted to put it on, and what do you mean I look weird, is it a good weird or a bad weird?" Ivan asked as he leaned back against the wall. Feeling like he shouldn't have drank so much.

Ludwig gave him a joint and watched him. "Bad weird..."

"Well you look pretty weird too..." Ivan said as he accepted the joint and placed it near his mouth. Then he started to cough.

Ludwig laughed hoarsely. "Why am I looking weird, newbie?"

"Because you look like you just woke up, you're a mess, and shut up" Ivan said as he tried to take the joint again, and this time it felt better and he didn't cough.

He laughed. "No I just smoked,"he grinned and leaned back.

Ivan started to feel dizzy and really weird, and then he started to feel bolder with every smoke. Until he turned to face the German, "want to go upstairs? More fun there" he said with a smirk.

Ludwig laughed and patted his shoulder. "I'm not gay newbie...see us later...you will find something to fuck here."

Ivan pouted, he needed someone right now. Fuck Ludwig, he looked around the room and spotted some drunken American dude. He walked over and didn't even bother to say anything; he just grabbed his hand and pulled him into some random room upstairs.

Ludwig watched him and had to laugh lightly. When Ivan was away he grinned. "Did you know that our Russian is gay?" he said to his mates as they laughed.

Ivan and the American were too drunk to talk, Ivan had known for a while that Alfred had a small crush on him even though he was with some boy called Arthur, so now that Alfred was drunken, Ivan decided to take advantage of the crush. He started kissing the American roughly on his lips, and then trying to tear the others clothes off, until he felt the door open.

Ludwig did follow them. Normally the door was locked. The room of his brother. "Hey guys get out here...you can go in my room... Second door left side..."

Ivan ignored the German who walked through the room; he couldn't be bothered with his right now. Ivan had to get over him, he had already bluntly told him that he wasn't interested by saying he wasn't gay. So he might as well spend his time with someone who was.

And what was so special about this room, which he had to leave it. Ivan just shakes his head getting rid of all the thoughts of Ludwig. He stopped kissing the American, and instead bit into his neck as he placed his hand on Alfred's cock, stroking it gently as he heard the other moan.

"Go out of here immediately!" He snarled. Everybody knew that this sound wasn't just an empty threat. Ivan wasn't scared of Ludwig, what was he going to do? Ivan still continued to ignore him as he kept pleasuring the American in front of him.

Ludwig snarled and took Ivan's collar and pulled him out and hit him in his face. "I said out of this room!"

Ivan suddenly felt himself being pulled by his clothes and then punched in his face, he was stronger than the German and there was no way he was going to ignore the pain coming from his face. "No!" Ivan said as he kicked the German between his legs. "For fucks sake what is so special about this stupid room?" Ivan hissed.

Ludwig gasped in pain and snarled. "That's not your business!" He pulled Alfred out of the room and locked the door. "Fuck you!" He hissed and walked downstairs again.

Ivan felt confused as he held his head; he looked around to see Alfred passed out. Ivan ignored the American, as he followed the pissed of German down stairs. What was upsetting him so much about a room, he knew it belonged to his brother who was away in the army, but he was coming back so what's the point getting pissed off if someone enters it.

There was something he was hiding, and Ivan was determined to find out. He walked into the living room to see Ludwig. Ludwig drank a lot of beer and sat in the couch. He had a syringe in his hand and slowly syringed something himself in his arm. Smack.

Ivan walked up to Ludwig and sat next to him, "you are seriously messed up, I know what your hiding you know. I know what you are trying to keep hidden from everyone else, I know" Ivan said as he watched the German taken the syringe out of his skin.

"What should I hide?" he laughed and stood up and looked directly at the Russian.

Ivan watched as Ludwig stood up and towered over him in a threatening way, Ivan leaned back against the sofa as he shrugged, "I don't know, I thought that saying I knew would get something out of you of you. I may not know what you are hiding, but I know it's something big which is killing you on the inside" Ivan said as he looked up into the Germans eyes.

Ludwig laughed. "Oh hear that! The Russian tries to me my psychologist!" He laughed. He patted the others shoulder. "Good joke," he grinned and sat down again

Ivan heard the other laugh, and sit down beside him again. "Yeah amazing joke..." Ivan said as he fake laughed. "So how is your family?" he asked, he was going to ask some questions, to see the problem. Then maybe he can use it, he can find the Germans weakness, which would be fun to exploit.

He smiled lightly and looked at him. "They are fine...and what about your family?" he grinned and took another sip of his beer.

Ivan saw that the German didn't react much, so it couldn't be about his family. Ivan was confused; it had to be, because why would Ludwig get so pissed off about some room. "They are fine" Ivan said as he looked away and drank some more vodka.

It had been a long evening, and his dad must be home by now. Ivan should leave, if he didn't he would probably get beat up again. Maybe he could reach home before his dad that would be better. "Well... it's been nice... bye Ludwig" Ivan said as he stood up.

"Bye newbie...see ya tomorrow..." He leaned back and closed his eyes. He was away in his thoughts; he didn't heard the music or his annoying girlfriend.

"Bye..." Ivan said as he walked out. Ivan walked home and within minutes he was standing outside his house. Ivan took a breath and quietly opened the squeaky front door. When his father didn't immediately call or appear from the kitchen, he allowed himself to hope that maybe he had already passed out or was at the pub around the corner, drinking with his mates.

So he quickly went to go up the stairs to his room, and his heart fell when he saw his father at the top, vodka in his hand.

"Hiya dad" he mumbled, ducking his head. Ivan's father lumbered down the steps and grabbed him by his chin, jerking his face up to look at him. "Have more respect when speaking to your elders, Ivan" he slurred, his stale alcohol breath rolling of his lips and onto Ivan's face.

Ivan winced, but he couldn't get out a response, as his jaw was being squeezed too tight. Then he looked at Ivan closely and noticed what he was wearing. "Why the fuck are you dressed like a fucking slutty faggot?" he asked as Ivan chose to stay quiet.

His dads eyes travelled his whole body filled with lust, "if you want to dress like a slut, then you should be treated like one" Ivan's dad said as he placed his hand down Ivan's pants. "You're lucky, I'm not in the mood, after having a good fuck an hour ago" his dad said as he squeezed Ivan tightly before removing his hand.

Ivan let out a breath of relief, and then Ivan's dad thought that was an excuse to hit him. Ivan didn't know how his father managed to hit so forcefully and so accurately with Vodka bottle in his other hand.

"It's your entire fault, you good for nothing piece of shit, if you were never born then she would still be alive. You took her away from me," his father, his own father, shouted at me, while taking another swing of his vodka. He was already on his fourth bottle by the looks of it.

In the past when Ivan was younger, there was this toy he had wanted to buy. So he had begged and begged his mom to go to the shops, so she did. She decided to take Ivan's sisters as well. Then on the way back Ivan was playing with his toy and somehow he distracted his mother, or something. He was too young to remember. But what happened was the car crashed. After the car crashed, Ivan looked around and saw his mom and sisters not moving. He was the only person that survived, and he knew it was his fault his mom and sisters died, and so did his dad know that fact. No wonder he hurt him like he did.

"Bbb-but dad, ppp-please stop this... You are hurting me." Ivan begged him; he wanted to be released from the pain. He was trying not to let my sadness show, but a tear fell out of his eye, before he could wipe it away his dad saw it.

"You little baby do you want your mommy, well guess what you can't have her idiot, you killed her, you pathetic shit!" Ivan's dad said in a mocking voice, he spoke knowing that every word was hurting the Russian more than his fist ever could.

But Ivan's father just kept kicking him again and again

"YOU. DISGUSTING. PIECE. OF. SHIT. YOU. WORTHLESS. BASTARD."

With every word his dad said he landed a bone breaking kick into Ivan's stomach. Ivan felt the air being knocked out of him. Ivan's dad landed one last bone crunching kick to his private area, this continued for a while.

All he knew was that at the end of it all he was laying at the foot of the stairs; blood on the cut made by his father's wedding ring slamming into his forehead, new bruises forming all over his skin, and a rib that felt close to cracking. He waited until he heard his father shuffle off in search of more alcohol before picking himself up and running to his room.

He instantly started taking care his wounds, then he fell asleep getting ready for the day ahead. He was dreading school as usual.


End file.
